Lead Me To The End Of The Thread

the jrny of self discovry , u read abt it constantly in print, in media ,u hear bt it 4rm evrybody , it is a proclamation subtle bt consistent in teachings of sages, scoldings of ur parents (nt mine though, they'd rather i abandon d attempt) n basically evrbody else who can walk nd talk........


i recently read abt a young flourishing Indian actor who says he found out who he was at 15!!!!! well, kudos to him for tht, m stll clueless which road to take, wht terminal i shld catch to begin tht fabled jrny which is supposed to calm the restless waters of mind, body, heart and soul, unite them n let me able to cherish them instead of pushing 'em around as i usually do ..

is thr a set pattern i cld follow, perhaps a guide book , road map oh anything for tht matter tht cld make things simpler, bt thn i guess it won't be wht its supposed to b.
hw is it so , tht some ppl r born knowing who they r, wht d want to b , they no xactly hw they'll go abt it as if they r born with sum kind of blueprint stuck the in front of their eyes,
thr r others who are quite meek, they take every toss and turn of life in their stride, nothing bothers them, nothing cajoles them , they welcome whtevr life thows at 'em with open arms ( wonder if they r God incarnates or simply dead)
nd thn comes d third kind which is always unhappy, always searching, always questioning the who, the what, the why and the how, they dn't have a moments' peace ( neither they let others have it, mind u!!) the quest mayb short-lived or it may extend a lifetime and beyond bt it it is very much thr...the constant trouble and turmoil, and those r the kind u shld b wary of ( incidently it includes me too) .

But i wasn't like this olwayzz , all my life i've been nothing bt an academic, didn't hav much of a choice u c ( my family is full of 'em )and being appreciated 4 the same quelled any bids tht i might hav made to any other signs of life tht accidentally strayed across my path( though they weren't too many) i might hav made a run for it or shown dangerous precariousness to tumble one way or the other bt the balance was always restored somehow ( my fate seemed to b sealed at tht one pt. and i was blissfully ignorant of the fact), i was introduced to books b4 i cld walk and talk by my mom who had found a clever way to make up 4 her long absences, i might hav pined 4 her early on, bt at least i wasn't without a companion.... i do not grudge her for tht infact i love and adore her 4 finding me a friend which has nvr failed me so far.....they made me wht i am, they won me accolades, they wiped my tears and evn subdued my angry outbursts , they comforted me nd nurtured me n they've finally led me to trouble...............

they introduced me to the mayrid colors of life, bt being the slowpoke practical i m , it nvr bothered me till i lft the comforts of my structured, sheltered life....which always had a purpose. Now evn though i hav one, it does'nt seem vital .....imp bt definately nt vital, for tht bug of self discovery has finally caught up with me.................filled my head with questions nd lft with no directions to embark on d quest of my life........to talk bt it to ppl who i no best is nt a solution coz they run 4 cover at its slightest mention......
So hey , is nybody out thr ...............who might hav stumbled on to d end of the thread, lead me to it, i promise i'll unravel the knot myself........
Jst lead me to d end of the thread